A common complaint or request that I often see in therapy is the desire to be more motivated. Phrases like "if I had more motivation I would exercise, would eat healthy, I would go out socially, I would apply for that new job". The list is endless.  Effectively if I had more motivation I would do more and then I would feel better. We have all been here.

Unfortunately, people wait for motivation to find them. They wait for that state of readiness to do the things they have always wanted to do.  The belief that when I am ready - motivation, consistency, structure, routine will all be easy.  Motivation is not a switch that you can turn on or off. It isn't something that we have or don't have .It is an action that we have to nurture. It is better to think about motivation as being on a continuum - low to high, rather than on or off.  

Factors that impact behaviour

To help understand motivation it is helpful to also understand what impacts your behaviour. Your actions to do an activity can be influenced externally and internally. 

Your external environment can increase or decrease the chance you may take action. The things you want to do more of can be made more accessible and the things we want to do less off can be made inaccessible. 

A good example of this is healthy eating. If you have lots of cakes, snacks and biscuits in the house there is a higher chance that you eat those before your fruits and vegetables. If you have to dig around for your gym gear and equipment on the top shelf or hidden deep in a draw, you have more time to decide not to go. If you are surrounded by like-minded friends who exercise you are more likely to go. 

However, internal factors are also important. Firstly, understanding what level of importance you place on this activity? Helpful question to consider:

• What is the value underlying the behaviour you want to increase/decrease?

• Is it something that really matters to you? 

• What makes it matter?

• Is there something you are missing out on by not doing this activity or by avoiding?

Secondly, another obstacle that is often faced by people of whether they do or don’t do an activity is the internal struggles. The thoughts in your heads. You may recognise a few from the list below:

I can’t do it

I’m too tired

I don’t have the energy

I don’t have time

It is too hard

I will fail

It will hurt and be painful

It is too uncomfortable

I am not good at it

It won’t last

I can’t keep it up

It is too much effort

I am not going to enjoy it

It won’t work

There is no point

These thoughts can feel loud, persistent and can sometimes feel like they bully us into submission. They quite literally take us off track away from our goals and what we value. They leave us stuck on the side-lines looking longingly at a mirage of who we want to be.   Often, we adopt strategies to deal with bullying thoughts as we would an actual bully. We may get into a fight with them, block them from our phones, ask to move to a different department or change jobs to get away from them. The problem with applying these strategies to the thoughts your mind tells you is that they are short-term. If you try to fight these thoughts – your attention is on the thoughts, and you may get caught up in a dialogue or ruminative cycle and not on your actions you want to take. If you try to block them or suppress them, they pop up again like weeds. If you try to move away from them, they come with you!  

What to do with these thoughts?

The first step is to name and notice. This is a common strategy I ask clients to try. Accepting and acknowledging that a thought has popped into your mind. By doing this you take away the fight of trying to squash them or the effort of trying to avoid them. 

The next step once you’ve become aware of such thoughts is making a mindful choice. This is a conscious and fully present decision and action, not just an automatic reaction of letting the thoughts dictate to you. Some have referred these as being decisive moments and if you make enough of them in the day it can improve what your day looks like. You could listen to those thoughts and most likely it will take you off track or keep you stuck on the side lines. Or you could move forward (with your thoughts) towards what is important keeping you on track. Harnessing this skill repeatedly will help and allow you to make incremental steps towards what matters. From the outside you may even come across as one of those ‘motivated people’ you so admired. Often doing this repeatedly we find that our thoughts are not always true or helpful so why let them bully us about.

In answer to our question – to do or not to do? – definitely do what matters or is important to you even in face of internal struggles.  After all the word motivate derives from the Latin word movere meaning “to move”. If you are moving or doing something that matters, you are motivated – no matter how small the action may be. Remember this is not about reaching a destination but a journey where we nurture as many mindful choices as possible in our life. 

Summary points

• Change the environment to support the things you want to do more of and stop you doing the things you want to do less of

• Learn to recognise the thoughts that may take you off track – write them down, learn to recognise your own patterns.

• Attend to them and allow yourself time to make a mindful choice - whether that be listening to your thoughts or doing that activity you wanted.

• Notice whether strategies like pushing thoughts away or replacing them with positives are leading to negative cycles of rumination and potentially avoidance or procrastination. 

• Try to make conscious and present decisions – mindful choices. Don’t aim for perfection but aim for increasing the number mindful choices you are making each day.

• Your thoughts do not have to have power over you – they are one part of you but you can take a step back away from them look at them and make your own choices based on what is important to you.